Saturday, October 24, 2009

The Pity Party's Over!

I did a water fast because I needed some clarity. I've gotten it and I feel a lot better for it. I have a positive outlook about what's going on with me. I have fallen in love even more with my children. I'm becoming more of a conscious raw eater. I'm excited again about losing the weight, transforming my body on raw. I've been praying more and staying closer to my Lord, Jesus Christ (That's right! I said Jesus Christ with no shame! Amen-ah!)

I am ready to cut off my locks. I'm not sure how my pumpkin head is going to look bald but I'm excited for the change. Just thinking about cutting off my hair makes me feel liberated. I never realized how much femininity and hair is tied and even I felt affected by it. Not that I would feel less than a woman without hair, rather the idea of losing my hair with the possibility of no recourse. It's scary. I still have no idea what's going on and I'm not impressed with the doctors I've seen who seem reluctant to refer me to a dermatologist. I wish I could have more control over my health and stop depending on doctors with their prejudices...especially about black hair. It's frustrating. I'm going to look at other alternatives, but I'm still going to cut my hair. Maybe I'll look good rocking a 'fro.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


I'm going through a challenging period right now. I'm not at my best. I feel extremely awful and I feel I can't juggle all my activities at once. It's hard. I'm worried because I'm losing my hair and I don't know what the root of the problem is. I went to the doctor and they took blood tests. The tests came out positive. In other words, I was not lacking in vitamins nor do I have a thyroid problem. What is it, then! The stress has made me eat more cooked food than ever and I've gained more weight. I'm angry at myself and I'm scared. I usually don't care about long hair, short hair but the fact that I'm losing hair really scares me. I sometimes burst into fits of tears. I may just have to cut my locks, shave my hair.

I think I'll go on a fast to detox my body. Words can't describe how terrible I feel.